The End
by MyHeroRaven
Summary: Sometimes there is no happy ending... but there is an ending. DARK. SLASH REFRENCES. SUICIDE. CHARACTER DEATH.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

**A/N: I'm in a dark place right now, hurt and in pain. Don't judge.**

You stare at the counter. You see the pills. Sitting there blantantly like your attempt at love, your attempt at life. And just like your life those pills will be washed away, only down your throat and into your stomach where they will attack you like poison.

They will kill you, and it doesn't matter if anyone else cares. Because right now? At this moment?

You don't.

Amitriptyline HCL. For depression and ADHD. Used to keep you calm. Well they'll keep you calm alright. They put you to sleep and then put you six _fucking_ feet under. Where you belong.

Because he'll never care. He vanished on you. You were supposed to have something special. He told you he _loved_ you. And then he vanished. No txts, no calls, and no messages from him. Nothing. It was as if he never existed. Must mean he wants you to not exist either.

And that's fine with you. What do you have left? Your family? Your friends? What a joke.

None of that even matter anymore without him. Without that boy. Without all the promises he made for you. What do you have to show for your life? Three best friends and a record deal in hollywood.

And actually, you don't even have your three best friends. That boy you loved left. And all you have left is Kendall and James. But all those two are wrapped up in is each other.

You wonder if they'll even cry when you die? If they'll be the ones to find your body. If they'll blame themselves. If they'll end up the same way as you.

You wonder if _he'll_ care.

Not a chance in hell.

It's like how you're always writing, always writing for everyone else, for your family, for your friends. When will you ever write for yourself? When will you tell your story? When?

Now.

This is it. This is my own words. He said he'd be there, said he'd love me. And I don't care what anyone thinks of my decision. I'm dead inside and now my heart will stop. It's meant to be this way. It's meant to end this way.

This is my story.

I'm sitting here on the edge of _my_ Logan's bed. Only he's not mine anymore. He left. But I'm still sitting here. Starring at myself in the mirror. My sunken eyes. Once a chocolate brown, now murky like swamp water. My once full dimpled face not sunken from the meals I haven't eaten. My happy demeanor gone. Just like me.

I'm a goner. But it's okay... I wouldn't have it any other way.

So here I am, telling my story and starring at the bottle in my hand, and the label.

CVS/Pharmacy #1503. 3678 Main street, Hollywood, CA. 37583. Carlos Garcia 945 East Hollywood Boulevard care of Palm Woods Hotel. 37583. Amitriptyline HCL 25 MG TAB. Common brand(s): Elavil. TAKE ONE TABLET AT BEDTIME. Qty: 30.

The bottle was full. I was always fearless, jumping into things without thinking. Acting brash and reckless. But for once in my life I was scared. I could hear Logan's voice in the back of my head. Telling me not to do it, using doctor speak about how bad it would hurt and how I would die.

"SHUT UP!"

I was sick of hearing his voice, and yeah Logan had said a lot of things. He told me he loved me. _Lie_. Told me he wanted to marry me. _Lie._ Told me he wanted to live with me. _Lie_. Told me he would never leave and that he would always be there for me.

_**LIE!**_

"You said you loved me."

Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes as I titled the threw the bottle back and gulped down all 30 pills.

My salvation was at hand. I wouldn't be sad anymore. The pain wouldn't kill me anymore, because guess what?

I was killing myself.

See Logan... it wasn't you that killed me. It was me. My bottle of pills, my resolution, all mine.

_My death._

Swallowing the pills I laid back on his bed remembering all the lies he told me. Every sweet word whispered, caressing.

It was all bullshit.

Nothing happened right away but after a while I felt heavy like I couldn't move, couldn't talk. I started to feel sick and vomitted blood all over myself. I was scared. Terrified of dying. But it was too late and I had to do this. Had to write the ending of my own story. Had to give it an epic ending.

I felt the blood pool around my head and trickle from my mouth. My eyes were opened towards the ceiling. I would die with my eyes opened. That way... when he found me, bloody, cold, and dead on his bed, he would see the absolute agony in my eyes.

And he would know... that this was all his fault.

I chuckled softly, tragically, as I opened my mouth. I had to finish it all I realized as my vision went dark, eyes still opened.

"The End."

**MyHeroRaven**


End file.
